Bigger Than Us

Chapter One 

“Jesus, Adam.” Daniel McCaverty had made it through the five a.m. flight from the Sunport, through Dallas and O’Hare. He’d made it through baggage here in Burlington and through the fucking line at Enterprise. He’d managed to drive about a mile before he looked around this place that was familiar but not, and had to pull over, sobbing against the steering wheel while the radio played. 

Daniel hadn’t understood when Adam had called last month and said, “Kiddo, I’ve got cancer”. He’d thought, oh, surgery and chemo and radiation. It would be tough with the kids, but he could come out after he’d delivered his last canvases. He would help for a few weeks and, one day, they would laugh together over how Adam’s thick black and silver hair had been gone during that terrible time. 

That was what was supposed to happen. 

Not a phone call early in the week that he’d missed because he was up on Angel Fire, and there was no signal. And then when he’d called back three days later, scared at Adam’s voice, Adam’s words, Adam’s goodbye, it was over. 

Fuck him. He hadn’t understood. 

Adam had told him not to worry. 

He never once thought Adam would actually die. 

After the storm had passed, Daniel pulled back onto the road, making the trip to Adam’s neat house. He’d helped Adam and Tina with adding a bathroom and another bedroom one summer. Another year, they’d put the deck on. He’d painted the nursery—first with Adam and Tina, then with Adam alone. 

Little Vicki would know him, but the baby? Shit, he’d been brand new before Daniel had left to work for a few months. 

“What the fuck happened, Adam? Seriously. Nobody dies from cancer anymore! It’s all about surviving. Don’t you fucking watch commercials?” His words echoed in the car, and he rocked with the intensity of them. 

He could almost hear Adam snort at him, saying “You can’t believe everything you see on TV, Dan-O.” 

Yeah. Yeah, like he even owned a TV. That was what he got for trying to be ironic. 

He pulled into the long driveway, the Escalade rumbling through the ruts. Someone needed to grade this before winter. 

The trees around Adam’s place were turning colors, some of them already orange and red like fire. That, he’d seen before, but Daniel hardly recognized the man sitting on the front steps. It had to be Mitch Brown underneath the beard and the baseball hat, but the last time he’d seen Adam’s business partner, Mitch had been clean-cut and in a sharp suit and tie. 

Damn. 

He probably looked like a wild man. He hadn’t bothered to change from his work clothes, and his jeans were spattered with paint. Daniel parked and opened the door of the SUV. “Mitch? Hey. I—Hey.” 

Mitch looked up and stood slowly. 

“Uncle Daniel!” Little Victoria dropped the hula hoop she’d been playing with and ran toward him full tilt. 

“Vicki. Baby girl. C’mere.” He opened his eyes, the sweet little black curls shining in the fading sun. “I missed your pretty face.” 

“You came! Daddy said he had to go, but that you would come, and you did!” She squeezed him tight, little five-year-old arms circling his neck. 

“Of course I came.” He should have come earlier. Sooner. Weeks ago. He blinked hard, fighting his tears. 

Mitch cleared his throat. “I guess you had a long trip. Would you like some coffee? Vicki, baby, why don’t you take Uncle Daniel to the porch?” 

“I started at three this morning. Coffee is great. I don’t—I’m sorry, man. Y’all had been friends a long time.” 

“Yeah. Um…yeah. Not as long as you. I know this—it was pretty shocking and…hard.” 

“Uncle Mitch fixed the porch swing.” Vicki pulled on his hand, tugging him toward the porch. “Emory is napping. He sleeps all the time. Babies do that, but it’s boring.” 

“They do, and it is. Do you still like those genie toys? I have a color book of them in my backpack.” 

“For me?” Vicki smiled at him like he’d hung the moon, as if she hadn’t just lost her father. Five had to be so complicated. 

“Yeah, for you. I’ll grab them in a second.” He’d brought a suit bag and his backpack. 

“Have a seat, I’ll get us some coffee.” Mitch disappeared into the house, leaving him there with Vicki. 

“Did you know my daddy died?” 

“Yes, ma’am. I just found out last night. I came straight away.” 

“He was really sick. He slept a lot, like Emory.” Vicki climbed up on the porch swing. “He missed you though. He told me so. I knew you’d come.” 

“He was my best friend, and you’re my god-girl. Of course, I came.” Jesus, Adam. Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was? 

She patted the swing next to him and leaned hard once he sat. “Good.” She sighed and flopped over, lying her head in his lap. 

She was asleep by the time Mitch came back with two mugs of coffee. “She’s been waiting for you. Adam’s—” Mitch bit his lips together and shook his head, handing him a mug before sitting in a rocking chair. “The promise was important to her.” 

“I came as soon as I knew. I had no idea it was so bad.” 

“Well, to be fair I don’t think he really believed it would be so fast.” Mitch’s voice was rough and dry. Anyone could see how tired he was. “I should have just called. He wanted to do it himself, but I should have. It’s just that I was here with the kids and helping him deal with his doctors and I… I’m sorry.” 

“I am too. I would have come to help. You have to know that. I would have come.” He wasn’t a shit. He loved Adam and these kids to death. 

“You know Adam. He was private, and he didn’t even like me helping. I think he wanted people to remember him healthy.” Mitch sipped his coffee and tugged his ball cap down lower. “This is…so fucked up.” 

“Yes. More than. Did he—is your business stuff okay?” He knew Mitch and Adam had run an advertising agency, but that was really all he knew about that. 

Mitch shook his head. “I don’t know. We have good people working for us, so I’m going to hope, but these last few weeks I haven’t… I checked out of work.” 

“I can only imagine.” He sort of wanted to give the guy a hug. More than that, he wanted to leave, find a hotel room and drink. He wouldn’t, because obviously Mitch had been working his ass off dealing with shit and needed a hand, but that didn’t alter his wanting. 

“I’m just going to try to look ahead now. The kids need that. I need to get them a new routine. It’s a couple of weeks late but I can still get Vicki into kindergarten, and I guess I’ll find a nanny for Emory. They need some stability. Then I can get my head back to work.” 

“Wow. Kindergarten? Already? She’s just so little…” Surely she wasn’t that old yet, right? 

“I know, but she turned five in July. I remember Adam saying at one point that he was going to sign her up but he…didn’t.” Mitch glanced at him under the brim of his hat. “So, how’s the…your art going?” 

“It’s good. I got my last show in on time.” He always felt weird talking about his paintings. He always had. It just felt strange. 

“So that’s going on now, without you there?” 

“Yes. My manager deals with the sales and the galleries. I just paint the canvases. I spend most of my time searching for the right environment to inspire.” It was an oversimplification, but it was still true. 

“Sounds nice. Where did you fly in from?” 

“Albuquerque. I was up on Angel Fire. I called as soon as I got signal. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have—” He wouldn’t have missed saying goodbye. 

“I was with him when he called you. He said he knew you were busy doing what you loved. It made him smile. He didn’t—” Mitch cleared his throat, and when he spoke again his voice was even rougher than before. “He didn’t call anyone else. Just you. I’m sorry, I haven’t really processed any of this, I just—these kids are so important. I’m just a little tired.” 

“It’s okay. You can be—whatever you need to be. I’m serious. You can feel whatever you have to.” He didn’t know how else to do it. 

Mitch glanced up, blue eyes searching his. He wondered what they were looking for. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I do.” 

Daniel stroked Vicki’s hair. “You poor baby. You had to lose both your folks, didn’t you? Well, you got people that love you more than the world. Don’t you worry.” 

Adam had obviously intended for Mitch to take the kids, so he’d send money and stay as long as they needed. He wouldn’t let them hurt for anything. 

“It sucks. It just sucks. But they have me. You. Friends. They have people. I didn’t.” 

The baby started wailing somewhere inside the house. “Emory. He’ll be hungry.” Mitch hauled himself out of his chair. 

“Do you need help?” He wasn’t sure he could move. Hell, he didn’t want to go inside that house. 

“Yes. Stay right there with Victoria.” Mitch touched her cheek, then headed for the front door. “That’s the deepest sleep she’s had in days. I’ll bring Emory out once he’s fed.” 

“Okay.” He swung with her, singing for her, random songs that he knew. He spent a lot of time in life singing along with the radio. This much he could do.