Chapter One 

Four to closing was a long shift at the bar, especially on a weekend, but Tyler didn’t mind it. He was busy all night long, and he usually went home with good tip money in his pocket and just exhausted enough that he could actually sleep. Sometimes he slept so long he’d get up, shower, and go right back to the bar for his next shift. 

Busy was good. The busier the better. 

He was on with Peter tonight, and they had it handled. They’d been working together so long they didn’t have to think, so they moved around each other easily and got the job done. 

“Need ice!” Peter called out before disappearing through the swinging door next to the bar. 

He gave Peter a nod and kept making drinks like it was the only thing left in the world. Which it kind of was. 

Margarita. Bloody Mary. Cosmo. Three daiquiris—peach, strawberry mango. Five beers. 

He caught sight of a cowboy hat and pulled Dex a Coke. Dex was the boss’s best friend’s guy, and the man tipped like a dream. It served him well to keep the guy happy. 

Tyler ran it over, shocked as hell to come face-to-face with a silver fox that was, unquestioningly Not Dex. 

It threw him, and it took him a second to snap out of it. He set the Coke down on the bar, blinking at the stranger. “Hey.” Friend of Dex’s maybe? Not too many cowboy hats walked in here. “Sorry. What can I get you?” 

“Coors and a shot of Cuervo, please, sir.” The voice was low, gravelly, and pure southern. God, that was strangely ominous. 

“Gold or Silver?” 

“Silver, please.” He got a smile, a nod, the man holding his gaze. 

“You got it.” Ominous, but polite. Kind smile. Taller than Dex. 

Tyler danced around Peter who was dumping ice from two big buckets into the freezer. Coors was on tap, and he got that started, then reached for the Cuervo. They were going through the tequila tonight for sure. Probably the warm weather. 

Well, not this guy. This guy just looked like a tequila guy. He poured the shot generously. 

“Coors and Cuervo.” He set them down on the bar. “Running a tab?” 

“Yessir.” A card was handed over, easy as you please. “Y’all are busy as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking competition.” 

That made him grin. “I like that. Yes, we are. Fridays are our busiest night usually.” He glanced at the card out of habit, clipped it to a bill and wrote ‘Coors/Cuervo (Sil)’ on it. “Where are you from?” Matthew. The card said the man’s name was Matthew. Could be Matt or Matty, maybe. 

“Central Texas—between Austin and Houston. I got me a ranch there.” One huge, square hand was offered to him. “Matthew Whitehead. Pleased.” 

“Tyler McKeehan. Also pleased.” He shook, the hand solid and strong in his. “Welcome to New York.” 

“Can we get—” The guy sitting next to Matthew tapped his glass. 

“Sure, no problem.” He poured a couple of refills. He was about to ask Matthew what brought him to the city, typical bartender small-talk type stuff, when one of them stopped him. 

“Aren’t you Tyler?” 

“I…yes?” He thought they looked familiar too, but he couldn’t remember where he’d met them. 

“We thought so, we kept saying we thought you were… Uh. Yeah. Sorry about Will. We were so shocked.” 

Will. 

Tyler’s stomach twisted, and his heart started to pound. He tried to put their drinks down on the bar with shaking hands and missed, one of them dumping back toward him, but the other tipped toward Matthew. 

Matthew caught it, but the glass stem shattered in the man’s big hand. He handed Tyler the top part of the glass with blood already starting to drip. “Point me toward the washroom, if you would.” 

“Shit. Shit, I’m sorry. Fuck.” He stared at the broken glass and then at the blood in Matthew’s hand. God. Not more blood. 

“Whoa. Ty?” Peter stepped around him with a towel and handed it to Matthew. “You okay, sir? How bad is it?” 

“It’s fine, y’all. No worries. I’ll wash it off, and we’ll be good as gold.” Dark gray eyes landed on him, so quiet, so calm. “You okay, honey?” 

“Yeah.” No. He looked away; those eyes were strangely comforting but they also wanted honesty. “All good. I’m so sorry.” 

“Men’s room is around to the left.” Peter pointed in that direction and cleaned up the bar. 

“Sorry. I’ll get you guys new drinks. I’m sorry.” 

Peter stopped him. “It’s okay. I’ve got it, Ty.” 

“Oh. Yeah, okay.” He stood there for a second, dumbly, not sure what to do with himself. 

“Go make sure the cowboy is okay, man. Antibiotic cream, bandage.” Peter offered him a super quick hug. “Breathe. Go.” 

“Right. I’m good. Got it.” Because that wasn’t embarrassing or anything. He stopped by the office First Aid kit and pulled out a couple of Band-Aids, some gauze, and a tube of Neosporin, then headed for the men’s room. 

Matthew was in there, a chunk of glass on the counter, paper towels jammed in his palm. He looked up as Tyler walked in. “Hey, there. I don’t suppose y’all have a tube of superglue?” 

“Superglue.” Tyler dropped everything he’d brought on the counter and blinked at Matthew again. Did he hear that right? “Superglue? I don’t know. I can check the office. Do you need stitches? I can call…” 

“I don’t, no. I just need a little glue, honey, to push the edges together, and I’ll be right as rain.” 

“Okay… I’ll be right back.” Superglue. Seriously? Tyler jogged to the office and dug through the boss’s desk. Les’s drawers were neatly organized and he was making a mess—he’d apologize later—but he found a brand-new tube in a little cubby in the top drawer. 

Wow. Right on. He rushed back to the men’s room with it. “Superglue. I can’t believe it.” 

“Good deal. I got my smart hand, so I’ll need you to open the glue for me, okay?” 

“Oh. Sorry. Sure.” Wake up, Ty, the man needs some help here. He used the little tricky cap to open the tube. “You got this?” His hands had stopped shaking, but he wasn’t sure anybody should be trusting him with anything right now. 

“I got this, thank you, sir.” Matthew gave him a grin. “Don’t beat yourself up, huh? It was my bad.” 

“No. No, that was definitely my fault.” He covered the bloody shard of glass with a paper towel and threw it out, willing his hands not to start shaking again, then cleaned up the counter. “Shaky hands. Totally on me.” He just hadn’t heard Will’s name in a while. Every time he thought he’d put that awful image out of his mind, someone would say something, remind him, and he was staring at a bloody bathtub again. 

“Sounds like someone gave you a fright.” Matthew cleaned the blood off and dripped the glue into the meat of his hand then pushed the flap down. Sweat popped out on the man’s cheeks, and a low sound escaped. 

“Sort of.” Matthew had obviously done this a few times, but that glue had to burn. “How about I get you another shot?” 

“I think that would be a fine idea, yes. If you don’t mind.” He got another of those strange, wonderful smiles. 

“I’m on it.” He dashed out of the bathroom, but stopped and ducked his head back in. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a great smile?” 

It wasn’t until he’d left again that he realized Matthew might think he was flirting, and that just made this whole evening even more fucking awkward. 

“Is he okay?” Peter asked as Tyler pulled the tequila off the shelf. “Are you?” 

“He superglued his hand. Superglue. He glued the cut together.” Tyler shook his head. “Craziest thing ever.” He avoided the question about himself, he just didn’t know. He still felt anxious. 

“Is that for him?” 

“Yeah, on me.” The whole night would be on him. 

“Good man. Here he comes. Breathe.” 

Matthew seemed to take up the entire room, somehow, sucking the air out of it. Jeans, a white button-down, huge silver buckle. And that hat. It was like a costume, except you could tell it wasn’t. 

How was he supposed to breathe? 

“I made it a double.” He sat the glass down on the bar carefully, sliding it toward the cowboy. 

“Thank you, sir.” Matthew lifted his shot in salute, then knocked it back, humming deep in his chest. 

“Not one of my better nights. I’m sure that’s not the kind of souvenir you wanted to bring back from New York.” 

The couple that had asked about Will was gone…could this night get any worse? Les would probably hear about that. 

Matthew winked at him, and he got to see that smile again. “No worries, honey. Seriously. It’s a little cut. I don’t suppose I could get me a Coke? If I don’t slow down, y’all will have to roll me out of here at last call.” 

Matthew kept calling him “honey”. And it didn’t feel weird. Which was…well, weird. 

“You mean a Coke-Coke or like a Dr Pepper or something-Coke?” Thank you, Dex. That little bit of regional knowledge had upped his bartender game with some out-of-towners. 

Jesus, that smile just got warmer. “Y’all have Dr Pepper? Because I’d love that.” 

That felt good, it made up for ruining the guy’s night a little. “We do. Sit tight.” They kept it in cans because it wasn’t hugely popular, but Dex drank it like it was going out of style so there was always some cold in the fridge. 

He grabbed a can, having a look around the bar to see if Peter needed help. It must be late because it had cleared out some and there were a number of empty seats at the bar. Peter was actually doing some restocking. 

“One Dr Pepper.” He opened it for Matthew and poured it over a few ice cubes in a tall glass. He seemed to have relaxed enough not to spill this too. 

“You rock. Thank you. I need to be able to find my hotel room again, so I have to pace myself some.” 

“Oh, we’re experts around here at getting people rides back to their hotels. No worries.” He winked at Matthew. “So what brings you here? Not here, like the bar…men don’t usually wander into the bar for no reason…but here. To the city.” 

Well, that was articulate. Jesus, maybe he needed a drink. He glanced at the clock. Nope, not close enough to closing yet. 

“You got to promise not to laugh.” 

Oh, that was intriguing. 

“I’ll guess. You do a drag show in Daisy Dukes.” Tyler grinned and leaned on the bar. “No?” 

“I am not the drag type, unfortunately. It stains the beard. I have been made up, but it’s not why I’m here.” Matthew chuckled softly, and he thought that was a blush. “I am a big reader, believe it or not, and I came to BookExpo America. It’s what I do for vacation every year. I get enough books for me, my girls, and the little library van that goes from ranch to ranch.” 

Oh, wow. That was so…sweet. And kind. And it was so wholesome it hurt. “Books. I was definitely not expecting that.” He wasn’t expecting the blush either. He smiled back. “Not exactly the rough and tumble cowboy image.” 

“No, I know, right? Still, it is what it is, and I shipped my first two boxes this afternoon.” Matthew sipped his drink, licked his mustache. “So, are you a reader?” 

“Well, I read. I don’t know what makes a reader.” 

“I guess if you like it? I mean, I know lots of folks that never read a book.” Matthew chuckled softly, the look suddenly wicked. “I’m not sure my brother knows how to read.” 

Tyler laughed. “I like to read. I’m slow. I tend to read in chunks, but I read. I like those detective books about serial killers, and mysteries. And I like books about people and how they…get through things. Like rowers at the World War Two Olympics. Stuff like that.” 

“I get that. I love thrillers, histories, spy novels, westerns—hell, I like a good racy romance, too. I live on three thousand acres, so I read at night a lot, while the TV is on.” He got a wink. “My daddy tried to convince me to whittle instead, but I never could make anything fancier than a square.” 

“Three thousand acres? I don’t even have three thousand feet.” He laughed. “I’m not sure I have three hundred. Wow.” 

“Yeah, I have a decent-sized ranch—I raise Beefmasters and Herefords, along with cutting horses. We got goats and chickens too, but they’re not money-makers.” 

“We…?” Tyler was a bartender; he paid attention. Matthew wasn’t wearing a ring. “Oh, you said you had girls, right?” 

“I do. I have two—eight and ten. My wife died six years ago.” Matthew didn’t look away from him, at all. “And yeah. I know this is a gay bar. I swing both ways.” 

He nodded, returning the look. “I’m sorry about your wife. Technically I swing too, but my pendulum’s been stuck on one side for the last few years.” Six years ago. Damn. Those girls had been little. 

“I understand that. I dated Deb in high school, a glorious young man in college, and then when I went home to work the ranch, Deb was there.” Matthew chuckled softly. “And before the end of the summer, she’d caught pregnant, so…” 

“Women have a way of doing that if you’re not careful.” He nodded sagely. He wasn’t going to ask what happened to her, he’d learned the hard way how difficult that question could be to answer. “If you’re looking for company, most people have good luck on our dance floor.” 

“I found someone friendly to chat with, honey. That’s way more important than a hookup.” 

“A friendly klutz.” He smiled though; something about Matthew soothed him deep down and let him hang out in the moment for the first time in a while. “That’s supposed to be working.” Though Peter wasn’t busy and hadn’t even given him a look yet. 

“I can wait if you have to wander. I don’t mind.” 

“Thanks. I’ll have to at some point, but it’s slow right now.” He did take the time to start cleaning up, staying where he could still talk. “Tell me about your girls. Who’s with them while you’re here?” 

“They’re at my folks’. They have a place down the road and a new in-ground swimming pool. My girls were so ready for a week in the water. I’m going to have to consider getting one too, now that they’re old enough to not worry so much.” 

“That’s a chunk of change from what I’ve heard.” 

Matthew nodded. “I know a few guys who I can trade straws for it. My bulls go for fifteen a straw.” 

A straw? Dex did this occasionally too, said something that only someone who had reason to know would know. “I have no idea what a straw is. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s a glass straw of bull semen. That’s where my money is.” 

He blinked at Matthew again, who at this point must think he didn’t have a brain cell in his head. But that was the second time tonight that Matthew had said something he was not expecting. “I…had no idea.” He chuckled, grinning, embarrassed. 

“That you got bulls’ spunk in glass straws or that you could sell it?” There didn’t seem to be any evil in Matthew, just this easiness, this warmth. 

“Well, I guess I’m trying to imagine how you get semen into a straw…and I have a really bad imagination.” He bit his lip to keep from laughing, but it only kind of worked. 

“Believe it or not, I have artificial vaginas and a set of cowboys whose entire jobs are to get the bull’s cock into the AV. That flows into a vial and then it’s tested and frozen in glass straws.” Did Matthew just say all that with a straight face? 

“I am not drunk enough for this conversation.” Not even close. He tried to picture that whole operation in his head. “Artificial vaginas. I’ve heard some stories but that’s…wow.” He looked at Matthew seriously. “I mean, I’m not making fun I just…said like that it sounds so absurd.” And it was hard to believe that made Matthew swimming pool type money. 

“Right? I grew up doing it—not at the level I am now. I lucked out, bred a couple of amazing buckers and three or four big show bulls, but it’s a going operation. Hell, I just had to fire this one son of a bitch for trying to steal bull spunk. No shit.” 

“That’s cool. Totally out of my range of experience, but very cool.” 

“Yes, well, I am on my sixth year of coming up, and I only learned how to use the subway last year.” 

Tyler laughed. “Oh, the subway is probably way scarier than a bull.” 

“Absolutely. You got to remember, my closest town has ninety folks in it.” 

“God, that sounds nice. Quiet. It’s…not quiet here.” Tyler was tired. He didn’t sleep much, but that had nothing to do with the noise. 

“No. No, it’s not. It’s neat, but quiet? No.” Matthew sounded like he knew, like he understood somehow, but how could he? “Are you from here?” 

He nodded. “Yeah. I was born here. Went to city schools. I was taking the subway to school with my friends by third grade. I had a lot more than ninety people around me.” 

“That’s fascinating. Do you like it?” No one looked at him like that, like he was fascinating. 

Did he like it? It was home, it was all he knew. He’d never thought about whether he liked it. “I guess?” There was nothing fascinating about trying to make a living in New York. 

“I swore when I headed to Austin for my degree that I was moving away, but that didn’t happen. By the time I graduated, I was building the house on the weekends and aching to get home.” 

Tourists thought it had to be cool to live in the city. “I really don’t know where else I’d go. I don’t have any reason to move. I’ve never really been anywhere.” Not anywhere he’d live. He used to do a winter vacation somewhere warm with friends before—he hadn’t gone this past winter. 

“I get that. I mean, I like to go. I run down to the beach a couple times a year, out to Angel Fire to ski, here, but I’m always ready to go home.” 

He shrugged, uncomfortable with the conversation, and took a beer order from a couple of newcomers. “I guess I’d have to get away for a while to figure out if I’d miss it. Excuse me a second?” 

He made his way down the bar to pull the two beers and put in an order for nachos. 

Matthew nursed his Dr Pepper, eyes on his phone, the light casting amazing shadows on the strong features. 

“Flirting with the cowboy?” Peter got him with an elbow. 

“No. He’s freaking me out a little actually, the way he looks at me…like he knows me. Nice guy though. Kind, friendly.” 

Peter nodded. “Ah. But you’re not interested.” 

“Shut up.” Did it matter? The guy was from Texas. 

“Okay. Okay, sure. You want me to wait on him? I will, tell him you’re busy.” 

“No. No, did I say that? I got it.” He picked up the beers. “Yell if you need help.” 

He could almost hear Peter shaking his head behind him. 

Tyler handed off the beers and took a card for a tab from the new guys, then stepped back over to Matthew. “You need a refill?” 

“Please, thank you.” Matthew met his eyes, smiled, but he thought the look was a little sad. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. My apologies.” 

He held Matthew’s eyes for a second. That wasn’t fair; the cowboy wasn’t being anything but nice. “It’s not…it’s just been a while since I had a real conversation with anyone. So…maybe I needed a little disturbing. I like talking to you, you’ve been—You’re very warm. And I’m kind of in a cold place.” 

Jesus. Maybe he needed that therapist Les offered him after all. 

“Well, I’m enjoying chatting with you. I like to talk—I’m sure you’ve noticed, so if you want to conversate, I’m willing.” 

Conversate. 

“I’m in. Let me get you that refill. Oh…on the Cuervo, the Dr Pepper, or both?” 

“Just the Dr Pepper. I don’t need to be liquored up to chat with you.” 

Damn, if he did want to flirt, this would be the guy to do it with. Matthew was saying all the right things. 

Oh. Oh shit, was Matthew flirting? Saying all the right things was flirting, right? Oh. Shit. 

He grabbed another can of Dr Pepper and a new glass of ice and poured out the can into the glass. “How long are you in town? Is the convention all weekend?” He’d never heard of Book-thing. World? Expo? Something. 

“I am. I’m here until Tuesday. The Expo is over Saturday, but I like a day to explore and a day to just chill out.” 

“Nice. What have you planned to see?” Because he was an excellent tour guide. Not that he had any time off. Well, he was technically off Monday, but he usually came in to help with inventory. 

“I haven’t! Like I said, up until last year? I just stayed close, took the Expo transportation. Then I decided to be brave. I picked a hotel that looked amazing and fun. There was an advertisement in the lobby for this place.” Matthew’s eyes lit up. “So I’ve got the Expo tomorrow to get some books, then I’m golden. Would it be creepy if I came back in to talk to you again? Maybe invite you to a meal?” 

“Creepy? No. Everybody’s gotta eat, right?” He smiled despite shocking himself by so easily agreeing to a…to a what? A meal? A date? Brunch or something. “That sounds great.” 

“Excellent. You let me know when is good for you, and I’ll be there with bells on.” 

“Well, I’m on shift here at four tomorrow and Sunday, and I’m off on Monday.” 

Whoa. 

He just handed out his schedule. 

How long had it been? He barely remembered the part of him that was interested in anything at all much less…whatever this was. He felt like he should be more freaked out than he was. 

“How about noon tomorrow? We could have a lazy lunch before you work?” 

He nodded before he could chicken out. “Sure. Just tell me…oh, or maybe I should tell you where.” Tyler laughed. 

“I’ll meet you wherever. Let me give you my number, and you can text me.” Matthew chuckled softly, the sound sliding over his nerves and soothing them. “And we can both try to figure out whether we’re brave or a little crazy.” 

“It’s lunch.” They didn’t have to be brave or crazy to have lunch. He put Matthew’s digits into his phone, and then texted the number so Matthew had his. It was just lunch. 

“It is. No stress, no strings.” Matthew took a long swig of his drink. “I appreciate you letting me visit with you, man. I spend all day talking to someone—kids, cowboys, family. I was beginning to worry that people were going to think I was a nutjob, muttering to myself.” 

“Oh, no. That’s totally common here. I bet you wouldn’t even get a second look. Someone might hand you a sandwich though.” Tyler laughed. That sounded like Matthew was heading out. He reached for the card Matthew had given him, handed it back, and tore up the bill. “I’m really sorry about your hand.” 

“Oh, wow. Are you sure, honey? I’ll pay for my drinks.” Matthew stood, and it happened again. It was like Matthew filled the space. 

This time, though, he managed a breath and stuck his hand out first. “The least I can do is buy your drinks. It was nice to meet you.” 

Matthew took his hand, and he swore electricity shot up his arm. “It was my pleasure. You let me know where to meet you tomorrow, okay?” 

“I…yeah.” He smiled, bewildered. “Yes. I’ll text you. Take care of that hand.” 

“I will.” Matthew stroked his wrist before letting him go to put two twenties in the tip jar. “Y’all have a good one.” 

Tyler watched Matthew go, eyes following until the door closed behind him. Then he looked down and ran his fingers over that spot on his wrist. He didn’t know what he was doing, and he didn’t know why either. But something in him that had been sleeping seemed to be waking up. 

There was just something strange and wondrous about that cowboy.